To Everson’s Daddy

Happy Father’s Day, Nick!  Everson is the luckiest boy in the world to have you as his Daddy.  And I am SO grateful to have you as my parenting sidekick.  There is no one else I would have rather had making me PB & J toast when I was so sick during the pregnancy and could barely keep any food down.  There is no one else I would have rather had next to me during those painful contractions that helped bring our son into this world, and no other voice I would’ve rather heard telling me how strong I was.  There is no one else I would have rather gone through the first few nights home from the hospital when Everson cried his head off as we had to wean him off the donor breast milk.  Thank goodness you stayed calm amidst both his and my tears!  There is no one else I would have wanted to drive with during the middle of the night when driving was the only thing that put Everson to sleep. (I’m still mad that McDonald’s turns off their shake machine after 2am. That was so not cool).  There is no else I would have wanted by my side as we took Everson on his first ride in the stroller or when we first saw him roll over.

I sometimes say you are the “man of my dreams,” but that’s not an accurate statement. You are too good.  I never could have dreamt you up.  How many husbands would get up with their wives throughout the night, every night for the first month of their baby’s life? Nursing was so hard at first, but you were so supportive sitting next to me ready to refill my water bottle, grab a burp cloth, or change Everson’s diaper.  You did ALL that, then still went to work each day.  That alone should grant you some kind of award.

Your love for Everson is so evident. The way you want to hold him and play with him every second from the time you get home from work until he goes to bed.  The fact that his first sneeze in the hospital was so precious that it made you tear up.  The way you pray for him to not only know God, but your hope for him to have a deeply intimate friendship with Jesus.  I love watching him make you smile so big when he’s smiling back at you and how his “judgmental looks” make you laugh so hard.  Hearing you sing Of Monsters and Men songs to him instead of normal lullabies is so very cute and so very you. And the way you strive to be the best dad and husband you could ever be means so much to me.

Everson does not yet know just how blessed he is to be your son, but someday he’ll realize he hit the jack pot when he got you for a Dad.

Happy Father’s Day to you, my Love.  You are the best husband for me and dad for our baby boy that I could ever imagine.

A Letter to Everson {His Birth Story}

Dear Everson Michael,

This is the story of how you were born.

According to mommy’s doctor, your due date was March 4^th.  I’m not sure how the mix up happened, but I was quite sure your due date was February 28^th.  Either way, I had a feeling my whole pregnancy that you would be a February not a March baby and I was right!

On Tuesday, February 12^th I started noticing some contractions that seemed different than the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been experiencing for some time.  I texted our doula Jessica and asked her, “Is it obvious when early labor begins?”  Jessica told me that early labor can last up to two weeks and asked me to time the contractions for an hour.  After timing them for an hour she said, “that certainly sounds like early labor!”  The next day, Wednesday, February 13^th, I had my 37 week OB-Gyn visit with Dr. Campbell. During the appointment Dr. Campbell did a cervical exam and said, “You’re dilated to 2.5 cm, my dear!” to which I responded, “Praise God!”  I was so excited to know that the contractions I was experiencing the day before had caused some great cervical change.  Daddy and I left that appointment certain that we would meet you VERY soon.  Our doctor cautioned us, just like the doula, that you might not come for another week or more, but we went home thinking we might meet you that very night.

I was anxious to predict when you would make your grand arrival because I really wanted my Mom, your Honey, to be there with me through your birth. You see your Honey has inspired me my whole life to have a natural labor like she did.  Honey loved being pregnant with your Uncle Ken, Uncle Dan, and me and had each of us without any pain medication.  She always talked so highly about the whole pregnancy and birth process and she helped me believe a natural labor was the best thing for you and me.  Honey changed her flight from February 25^th and instead flew in on Valentine’s Day after hearing that I was 2.5cm dilated.  It turns out Honey waited over a week with us before you were born but she was a huge help to me as we waited to meet you.  Together we did things like going on long walks, swam at the rec center, and baked ice cream cone cupcakes for you.

Happy Birth Day!

On Wednesday, February 20, I had another appointment with Dr. Campbell.  When Dr. Campbell checked my cervix she said I was dilated to 4cm and you had dropped a bit lower.  I couldn’t believe my ears.  When you are 4cm dilated you are usually in active labor, yet I was still experiencing contractions that would always settle down.  I asked Dr. Campbell to sweep my membranes as that could help naturally induce labor.  Daddy and I were both so excited to think that labor would finally happen!  But again the contractions settled down and we went to bed for the night.  Our doula Jessica texted me the next morning saying, “I can’t believe we didn’t have a baby last night!”  I, of course, could not believe it either.

All the next day I was determined to will you out.  Honey and I did an hour long walk with Amos and Lucy, I drank loads of red raspberry leaf tea, and took evening primrose oil.  By the time Daddy got home from his classes at Denver Seminary that evening, I was beyond frustrated.  I was so fed up with getting my hopes up and my patience was long gone.  I was lying in bed throwing a pity party for myself, but Daddy convinced me to get up to go on a walk. It had snowed so we decided to go to Walmart where we walked through almost every single aisle.  After walking for an hour there, the contractions really started picking up.  I was hopeful this time would be different, yet skeptical at the same time.  Daddy contacted our other doula Kristy (they took turns being on call based on different days of the week), and told her my contractions seemed to be more regular and intense.  Kristy told me to practice “self care”…to take a bath and try to get as much rest as possible.  I was so annoyed with her response.  I wanted her to excitedly tell me, “THIS IS IT!”  I listened to her, though, and went home and took a bath.  For the first time, the bath did not settle the contractions.  They hurt a bit but weren’t too bad, so I went to bed for the night.  Daddy never went to sleep. He was laying next to me on the computer typing up emails for work when I got out of bed around 1am with more painful contractions.  Daddy started timing them again and I was pacing around the room breathing through each contraction.  Then all of a sudden I felt a POP and something drop in me.  I freaked out and said, “What the heck just happened?!”  For a brief second I thought something harmful had happened to you until I realized that my bag of waters had broken.  Our doula Jessica had predicted that it would take my water breaking to get me into active labor because my belly was tight with fluid in it.  Well, Jessica was exactly right.  After my water broke, I hopped in the shower and the contractions came on fast, strong, and hard.  Daddy wanted to time the contractions which takes and hour, but I told him I thought we needed to head to the hospital right away.  At first Daddy had gone down to the guest room to tell Honey that we might be leaving for the hospital in an hour, but after I told him that he went right back down and said, “we’re leaving in 15 minutes!”.  Daddy and Honey raced around the house making sure we had everything packed, the dogs were taken care of, and the house was locked up.  I was in so much pain I felt like I could barely walk to the car.  Our drive to the hospital usually took 35 to 40 minutes but Daddy raced there as fast as he could.  My contractions were coming so close together I was terrified I might have you in the car.  Daddy sped like crazy and ran through so many red lights that we made it to the hospital in about 25 minutes.  Honey called ahead to the hospital to tell them we were coming and that I was in hard, active labor.

Once we got to St. Joe’s I was so relieved because I knew I was having you in a hospital and not in our car!  They ushered me into a labor room and I ended up seeing a doctor, “Dr. Amanda” as we call her since she introduced herself as Amanda and we don’t even remember what her last name was, that I had met when were at the hospital previously.  I told Dr. Amanda that I was in too much pain to lie down on the bed. I didn’t know what to do with my body or with all the pain.  She checked me and said I was at 5cm.  For the first time, I was disappointed when I heard how far dilated I was.  I thought I had to be further along since I felt like I was going to birth you on the drive over.  I was so discouraged as I realized I might be in labor a lot longer than I had thought.  I told Daddy I needed to be in the bath right away.  We chose St. Joe’s for three reasons 1.) They were firm advocates for skin-to-skin after birth 2.) You would be born in Denver 3.) Each labor room had a big jacuzzi tub (and I guess Daddy would say #4 the hospital was close to Fat Jack’s Sub Shop).  Even though I had never gone through labor before, I had guessed that I would really like to be in water.  Well, I was correct. I stayed in that tub until they forced me out!

Soon after I got in the tub, our doula Kristy had arrived with their apprentice doula Eden.   Kristy and Daddy kneeled next to me outside the tub and your Honey stood near them.  Daddy had practiced ways to help coach me during labor but in the moment he said that at first he forgot what to say.  He listened to what Kristy was saying and saw how her words helped me through the contractions and then Daddy remembered just what to do.  Each contraction was so painful and they were so close together that I don’t think I had a momentary break for the 3 or so hours.  At first, I kept thinking…I can’t do this, I can’t do this. I need to escape from this pain, but where do I go?  I told Kristy a few times that I couldn’t do it, but she told me I could, that I was strong, and would be able to do it.  At one point later on I asked Daddy to tell me I could do it and he, of course, did.  (Your Daddy believed I could birth you naturally even in pregnancy when I would doubt myself.  He never wavered in his faith in me.)  I don’t know the exact timing of all this but I do know the hospital staff were extremely respectful of our birth plan and our wish to have labor naturally.  They even accommodated me by taking my blood pressure and checking your heart beat all while I was in the water.  They also tried to get me to take an IV or have my blood drawn (maybe both) but I ended up refusing.  I was confident you and I were going to be okay and I was in too much pain to even listen to what they were saying. I knew that if I really needed something, then Daddy would make sure I got what I needed.  Well, it didn’t seem that all that much time had passed when all of a sudden I involuntarily felt the need to push.  During the contraction I did two pushes, which really scared me.  Kristy called for Dr. Amanda to come in since I had started to want to push.  Dr. Amanda checked me and said I was at 8cm and I needed my cervix to efface a bit more.  I was told by a nurse to not push but to grunt.  I had no idea what she meant or how to stop the pushing since I didn’t want to push anyways, it was just happening.  I continued to labor in the tub until Kristy told me I should probably try a different position to help my cervix finish up the work it needed to do.  So I got on my hands and knees in the tub.  I hated moving. I wanted to stay in the tub lying on my back like I had.  On my back I could sink into the water and block everyone else out when I wanted to.  Don’t get me wrong, Daddy, Kristy, and Honey were all very helpful in coaching me, praying for me, and encouraging me but at points I just wanted everyone to stop talking and I just talked to myself. I did lots of positive visualization and I kept thinking about how much I wanted to experience that first hour of your life with you as an unmedicated baby.  I think that was the biggest motivating factor for me.

Daddy coaching me through contractions.

The next time Dr. Amanda checked me I was at 10cm with just a small cervical lip that still needed to thin out.  They told me I needed to leave the tub so that I could deliver you on the hospital bed.  It was against hospital policy to have water births there but I kept thinking I might just ignore that and try to have you in the tub. I couldn’t imagine them pulling me out of there…but in the end I listened and got out of the tub.  As I stepped out, a hard contraction hit and I just held onto Daddy tightly.  After it lessened, he walked me to the bed where I began to really start pushing which was frightening and exhausting.  I barely stopped to think because I was in such a primal, survival mode.  After pushing like that for a little while, the attending doctor (Dr. Amanda was a 2^nd year resident so she had another doctor there with her) asked me to turn on my back to push.  Kristy and Eden both held my legs up as though they were human stirrups.  Without trying I was pushing pretty hard and intensely.  It was the only time in labor that I really made any noise. (Honey couldn’t believe how quiet I had been up until then).  Even though I felt like I was pushing so hard, I realized they wanted me to push even harder. I asked if there was a chance I could push too hard.  When they gave me the green light to push as hard as I could, I dug down deep inside me to gather every ounce of strength I had and I began to push deeper, harder, and longer than I had.  My legs were shaking so hard and I was in so much pain, but I knew I would get to meet you soon!  The doctors and Kristy started telling me they could see your head.  Kristy asked if I wanted a mirror to see you.  I didn’t want one but I did ask if you had hair. They said yes and told me I could feel your head and the hair.  I was SO excited you had a head of hair on you!  Finally, I pushed your head out but because you are so big your shoulders wouldn’t budge.  The doctors earnestly told me to push more and shortly after the rest of you entered this world.  The doctors were nervous that because you were stuck for a bit that something could have happened to your oxygen supply.  Instead of letting you stay on my chest right away the nurses rushed you to this incubator table and worked to get liquid out of your chest.  You were pretty blue but quickly your color changed and they determined everything was okay with you.

Daddy was able to catch you with the help of the doctor!

At last, they brought you to my chest and I was able to hold YOU!!!!  It was the moment I had been waiting for and dreaming of for over 9 months. I was in complete shock that you were finally here in this big world being held in my arms.

Holding you for the first time!

Honey was overjoyed to meet you!

All the while, I was bleeding a lot and the doctors seemed very worried.  They asked if I was okay with receiving a shot of Pitocin to which I agreed.  The Pitocin did not solve the problem so they also gave me misoprostol.  Finally the bleeding lessened and the doctors (and Daddy!) were no longer worried.  At last, I was able to fully enjoy my hour of skin to skin with you.  I was (and still am) amazed by your soft skin and fuzzy head of hair.  When they weighed you the nurses were amazed that you weighed 9 lb and 11.8 oz (they rounded it up to 9.12 which was my birth weight!).  Colorado babies have a separate percentile chart for birth weight. It has something to do with the high altitude.  A nurse showed me how you were “off the chart” based on your big weight and gestational age.  We weren’t too surprised that you were a big boy.  After all my OB-Gyn said she thought I was growing a “giant” once after looking Daddy over!

We are so thankful to God for blessing us with YOU.  Aside from His amazing gift of salvation, YOU are the greatest gift He has ever given us!  Being a new parent has come with lots of challenges (sleep deprivation to name one), but we have loved each day we have had with you.  We love you so so so much…more than words can say.

The day we brought you HOME. Our dream come true!

Love,

Your Momma